Somehow I don't believe you...

Want to know the favorite sentence uttered to me when I'm bartending? Of course you do! It's a tie between "I bartend." and "I used to bartend."

This past shift I had a real winner! This guy actually covered many of the bartender pet peeves in just two little trips up to my bar!

First stop... he orders a Cape Cod for himself and NOTHING for his girlfriend. She had to not only order her own drink but pay for it herself, too. Now, I know you are wondering... "how do you know she's his girlfriend?" They ended up being part of our little floor show later in the evening and, trust me, they were together. ;) (So Strike 1 for Mr. Cool. I believe in chivalry.)

A few minutes later Mr. Cool returns to the bar with his partially empty glass asking "Did you put liquor in this?" (Strike 2 for Mr. Cool.) I said "Yes, of course I put liquor in it." What did he think I put in it? Magic?? UGH! So, I assured him of the glasses liquor content (1 1/2 shots of vodka in comparison to the 1 shot at other local bars). He then informed me that "I used to bartend." I asked him where. Well, he then stammered and said he bartends at a real dive known for the worst drinks in town. Of course! Just seconds ago he "used to" bartend but now he currently bartends. Sure he does! He then asked me to top his glass off with vodka. Seriously?!? Oh, well, I did it and asked for another $3.50. He looked at me like I was from Mars but paid up anyway. Needless to say, he didn't leave a tip. I'm not shocked and really didn't expect a tip from him anyway.

Later in the evening he comes back up to my bar. He orders another Cape Cod. I make it for him. He pays his little $3.50 and taps the top of my tip jar. He says "I tip when I take care of my tab." I tapped the top of my tip jar and said "You're paying cash, slick." (Strike 3.)

Poor guy. He didn't know who he was messing with. I sent a couple of friends over to truly embarrass him. I'll be shocked if he shows his face at our club again and I say "good riddance."

So, people... here's a tip from a girl who is a really good bartender (voted First Runner Up in the Best Bartender contest for our state) with really great customer service skills... TIP YOUR BARTENDER! They know more people at the bar than you do and can really make your life suck!

Take a warning,

007