Do I look like a lush to you?

Okay, so don't really answer that. I have a question for you. Why is it that if a bartender or bar manager wants to buy me a shot or cocktail it is the most girlie concoction known to man? I'm not really complaining, just curious. Do I appear to be so sweet that this would appeal to me (the dry champagne or gin & tonic girl)? I guess I do because the last shot that was served to me "on the house" tasted just like vanilla ice cream with a kick. It was quite delicious but I wonder why I get the girlie drinks that are named something obscene/perverted/dirty. (This was an Italian Orgasm.)

Also, why is this cocktail poured from the shaker into the shot glass and, when there is extra left in the shaker (and there is always extra left) they then decide that I need not only the shot but the rest of the drink??? My shot ends up being at least twice the size of my fellow shot taker and I end up being a bit more giggly than normal much quicker than usual.

Maybe they have an ulterior motive? I'm good with it, though. I didn't pay for the giant double shot and got an extra boost of mojo from the freebie. (Yes, I did tip them. No, I didn't shout to the crowd "giant double shot for me on the house, bitches!")

Feeling like curiosity killed the kitty,

007

"Get them one on me"

an interesting little phrase that caused an uproar last night. I had a female customer come in and buy a domestic beer. She sat down beside a mess of a male customer, noticed his almost empty drink and said "get him one on me." I poured his double vodka on the rocks, got her beer and told her the total. She looked at me like I was from Mars.

Now, a logical person would've asked what the other person was drinking if they were on some kind of budget. Obviously, she was trying to show off that she could purchase a man a cocktail. She had no clue that his cocktail was close to $10 and hers was only $2.75. She just kept repeating the total over and over. She looked at him like "what are you drinking?" and kept shooting daggers at me.

Finally, I got sick of it and told her he ordered a double. He ended up putting money up and I gave her the difference. She made such a point to get my name I know my boss will be calling me today. I'm ready, too, because my co-workers were cracking up about it last night. It's just ridiculous. I'm a great bartender and I did exactly what she asked me to do. How exactly am I wrong in this??? That's right. I'm not!

Proving to the world that society isn't completely stupid,

007

Girls at the bar

Why can't people come to a bar and act right? There is a little bit of etiquette when going to a club or bar and I think it's time people knew a few things they should do... tipping is #1 on the list. Let me give you a taste of bad customer behaviour and the way a bartender can make your night less than festive. Enjoy!

Last night I'm serving up fabulous cocktails and a group of girls comes in. Nothing terribly unusual, of course. Well, the ringleader comes up to the bar and orders a round of drinks for them. I make the four Long Islands, one margarita ("no salt, light ice, no lime") and a cherry vodka sour. She hands me a credit card. I asked her if she wanted to open a tab. She says she wants to close it. Alright, I'm good with that. I run the card, it goes through and all is well... until I get the signed slip back. ZERO tip. Nice, right?

This goes on for another round of drinks. I make them all the way they are supposed to be made and still... no tip. It would be fine if this was a tab for $5.00 or something but it's over $25.00! I'm beyond frustrated. So, next round I decide that they should've behaved a bit more.

Unfortunately for them, their next round consisted of a lot of sweet & sour and lots of extra salt. OOPS! Bad bartender!! I also let my entertainers know that they weren't tipping for their cocktails and they made things fabulous for me!!! They really let into these girls. I mean, completely embarrassing them. I hope they don't come back. I don't need customers like that.

It's not like I'm asking for someone's mortgage payment or anything! I'm just asking for a simple dollar or two! I mean, seriously!!! Am I wrong???

Setting things straight,

007

The Princess & The Court Jester

As you all know I went to Vegas a few weeks ago. I took one shift off from the club (although I took off the busiest shift they have). I didn't miss tons of work. I didn't make them think I was going to miss tons of work.

So, you can imagine my surprise when my boss called me on Tuesday (the day before my major shift) to ask how Vegas is going. I let him know that I was back and had been for a couple of days. He told me that my fill in (and his back up) led him to believe I was going to be gone another week. INTERESTING... very interesting.

The first thing that comes to my mind is "He's gunning for my shift." My second thought is "WRONG!! This is my planet, boy! You're just visiting." Well, my boss said he was really shocked that I would take off more than one shift because I never take off. I told him that wouldn't happen and he laughed.

The bonus for me is that now little Mr. Busy is on his last legs at the club. He's been doing lots and lots of things that annoy me, my barback, my boss, the performers and just about everyone who isn't trying to get into his pants. VICTORY IS MINE!

Don't mess with the Princess in the land of Queens.

007

A Vegas Story

I spent this past weekend really enjoying myself in Vegas for my birthday. I love Vegas. I really love the MGM Grand. I know, it's a little "old school" but that's my style, really...

Obviously, this is another tale from the customer side of the bar. I wasn't in Vegas to work, boys and girls. So, I was at my favorite restaurant eating a delicious dinner in the bar when I man sat beside me. He was dressed really casually. Too casual for this eating establishment but it's Vegas so I guess that's okay. Well, I was being chatted up by the bartenders and having a great time when this freak starts making "mmm" noises. He isn't eating either! Every time the bartenders walk away he starts mumbling at me and making really screwed up noises at me. At one point (and I'm NOT kidding) he actually started tweaking his own nipples!!! I was beyond uncomfortable!

Finally, I looked straight at him and said "You don't know me. Leave me the f*&@ alone or I'll make you regret it." Now, I'm not normally this agressive but he was just perverse!! Once he left the bartenders apologized (and bought my dessert and some champagne for me). All I could think of was the fact that in my bar this would never happen. If I saw someone being this horrid to a woman I would bounce them on their insane ass! It was a really difficult experience and could've soured me from going to my favorite place. It didn't because this establishment has amazing food, great staff, delicious cocktails and an atmosphere that I love.

I guess it just goes to show you that not everyone takes "customer service" to the next level. I would never want one of my customers to feel the way I felt. Take a lesson from a Lady, boys, watch out for your girls!

Never messing about,

007

The Old Bait & Switch

Occasionally, we bartenders end up on the other side of the bar. It's kind of fun because you can take notes on what works and what doesn't. Here's a lesson in what doesn't work...

I have recently been going to a fabulous little pub in an industrial area downtown. It's small, intimate, relaxed and has great patrons. If I didn't already love where I work I would definitely be chatting up the owner about employment. I may do that anyway! ;)

The only negative about it is they do not have gin at the downstairs bar. Seriously. No matter where I hang out in the pub I have to go to the upstairs bar to get my usual Tanqueray & tonic with lime. Oh, well, I'm cool with some extra stair work in my night out. (Now, just FYI, the downstairs bar has a crazy amazing selection of vodkas so it's cool.)

Alright, back to the story... I pop upstairs and order my first drink. It's good. Served perfectly. Nice and smooth with a little bite. Then again, it is a bit difficult to screw up a G&T. I go back downstairs and commence to doing a little partying with my friends. I like to drink gin because it's a bit of a sipping drink. You don't guzzle the stuff. You don't get totally wasted. You don't make decisions that end up being really embarrassing You Tube videos. When I finished my cocktail I headed back upstairs for another round. Here's where it gets interesting...

First off, there's a group of rowdy boys around the bar so I slide myself in between a couple of them. I get the bartender's attention and let her know I'd like another. Now, knowing that very few people order gin in this establishment you would think she'd remember the 1 person who is drinking it. She didn't. (boo! hiss!) I placed my order and then watched her begin making my drink. She started out with original Tanqueray and then (when the bottle ran out) she switched to Tanqueray Rangpur. SAY WHAT?!?! I didn't order that. I don't even like Rangpur. I like natural lime in my cocktail and I like my gin to be free of extras. Here's the kicker, she didn't even tell me she finished it off with the Rangpur! She just set it on the bar in front of me, let me know it was $6.00 and waited for the cash.

When I asked if she added it she looked at me like "Oh, crap. I'm busted." I asked if they were out of Tanqueray and she said they were. She then asked if the Rangpur was okay. I told her I didn't care for it. She said they had Bombay. Now, I know I'm probably going to sound like an Elitist Snob but I don't really care. I like what I like. I'm not going to take whatever gin you've got like I'm some kind of gin lush. I told her thanks but no thanks and walked back downstairs.

I would NEVER serve a customer something they didn't order. If I was low on what they asked for I would find out if the replacement would be fine. I don't know what kind of training this girl had but I would venture a guess that it's little to none. Maybe she thought that since I'm female I wouldn't be tipping her well and it just didn't matter. WRONG! I'm a fabulous tipper since I'm in the industry but she'll never know that because broke a cardinal rule in bartending.

So, word to the wise, fellow bartenders and future bartenders... DO NOT use the old bait & switch. A real customer will know the difference. It's not cool at all.

Serving the masses and getting it right,

007

Birthday Celebration

My birthday is Tuesday. I am off work for it. Actually, I'll be in Vegas for a long weekend. So, during my last shift everyone wanted to buy me a shot. I don't drink on the job. Now, why couldn't anyone just pop the $5 that my shot was going to cost them into the old tip jar???

Just curious,

007

Do the job you're paid for

Today is a red letter day... I work so hard at being the most focused bartender in regards to my staff members and the one time I'm not it totally comes back to bite me in the butt.

My barback has been off work for over a month. He had another gig to cover so he was not at our club. Last night was his first night back and I was very excited. He has been my barback for over 2 years and we have a great working relationship. I don't have to follow him around and make sure he's doing what he is supposed to do... well, normally.

Welcome "exception to the rule"... I knew he was a bit out of sorts because there were many, many times when I couldn't find him. Literally. He was no where to be found. Then when I would call for him and use our short cut sign language for items that I needed he was oblivious. It's like he had only been working with me a couple of days. That is insane! Just a month ago I knew that when I locked the door behind me to close up everything would be done the way it was supposed to be.

I recieved a call from my boss (who is also one of my closest friends) and he had on his "you're in trouble" voice. Now, I've heard this voice 2 other times in the four years I've worked at the club and I really don't like to hear that voice. Again, I try very hard to do my job and do it right. He said that my barback did very little of the closing duties he is assigned and, of course, because I didn't double check his work it was on my back. I didn't even think about double checking his work. He's been doing his job and doing it well for quite a while.

I apologized to my boss and told him that I would talk to my barback next shift. I will not put up with him making me look bad. The worst part about it is this kid not only gets paid by the club but also gets tipped out from me and the 2nd bartender. He makes serious bank for 2 1/2 hours of work. I mean, I'd love to put that little tip out right into my pocket! The worst part of it is I tipped him extra last night. EXTRA and I get a call today about his shoddy work. This is not good. Mama is not happy.

Next week should be interesting... stay tuned.

007

Oh, what a night...

Sometimes even the most fabulous night can turn into a total mess. The evening starts out terrific. The crowd is busy and in a great mood. The music is flowing so that everyone is either drinking or dancing. The cocktails are shaken, stirred and blended to perfection. It should've been one perfect night. Should've been.

We always have a floor show during our busy nights. It keeps it interesting because you never know what we're going to do. The way people know the show is about to begin is the club darkens. The music changes, too, but the main deal is the lighting changes. So, this female customer (we're going to call her Ms. Daggers) comes up to my well, orders a Bud Light Lime and tells me we need to turn the lights down. Um, okay, wait... she told me. She didn't ask me. I told her that I would see what I could do. Actually, there wasn't anything I could do. When the owner is on site all decisions like that are up to him. So, I asked him about the lights. He said he'd turn them off when he was ready to. I did my part but, obviously, that wasn't what she wanted. She spent the next twenty minutes glaring at me and telling everyone who would listen "I asked them twice to turn the lights off but she's not doing anything about it." Lucky me.

It gets better... Ms. Daggers even walked over to my 2nd bartender's well and stood there for 10 minutes glaring at me again. I mentioned it to my boss and he told me to go "knock her out." He wasn't serious but it would've been such fun. Then my 2nd bartender comes down to me and asks me what her deal is. I hadn't told him about the lighting issue but he knew something was up. I told him and he actually laughed and pointed at her. It was a pretty funny thing, too, because she stormed off into her well lit area.

In the end the show started, the lights went down and the night got crazy busy. It was actually a bit overwhelming for a while. I felt myself really getting edgy and I don't like that. Maybe I should switch to decaf?? The customers just seemed to be rude and ultra high maintenance. I'm used to drama and craziness but this was more than the norm.

I guess I just want people to know that your bartender is a person, too. They have bad days and good days. They get stressed out and over worked and are doing the best they can. Have a little patience and I probably will make you one hell of a cocktail.

Still human after all,

007

Somehow I don't believe you...

Want to know the favorite sentence uttered to me when I'm bartending? Of course you do! It's a tie between "I bartend." and "I used to bartend."

This past shift I had a real winner! This guy actually covered many of the bartender pet peeves in just two little trips up to my bar!

First stop... he orders a Cape Cod for himself and NOTHING for his girlfriend. She had to not only order her own drink but pay for it herself, too. Now, I know you are wondering... "how do you know she's his girlfriend?" They ended up being part of our little floor show later in the evening and, trust me, they were together. ;) (So Strike 1 for Mr. Cool. I believe in chivalry.)

A few minutes later Mr. Cool returns to the bar with his partially empty glass asking "Did you put liquor in this?" (Strike 2 for Mr. Cool.) I said "Yes, of course I put liquor in it." What did he think I put in it? Magic?? UGH! So, I assured him of the glasses liquor content (1 1/2 shots of vodka in comparison to the 1 shot at other local bars). He then informed me that "I used to bartend." I asked him where. Well, he then stammered and said he bartends at a real dive known for the worst drinks in town. Of course! Just seconds ago he "used to" bartend but now he currently bartends. Sure he does! He then asked me to top his glass off with vodka. Seriously?!? Oh, well, I did it and asked for another $3.50. He looked at me like I was from Mars but paid up anyway. Needless to say, he didn't leave a tip. I'm not shocked and really didn't expect a tip from him anyway.

Later in the evening he comes back up to my bar. He orders another Cape Cod. I make it for him. He pays his little $3.50 and taps the top of my tip jar. He says "I tip when I take care of my tab." I tapped the top of my tip jar and said "You're paying cash, slick." (Strike 3.)

Poor guy. He didn't know who he was messing with. I sent a couple of friends over to truly embarrass him. I'll be shocked if he shows his face at our club again and I say "good riddance."

So, people... here's a tip from a girl who is a really good bartender (voted First Runner Up in the Best Bartender contest for our state) with really great customer service skills... TIP YOUR BARTENDER! They know more people at the bar than you do and can really make your life suck!

Take a warning,

007

Immediate Promotion

I work at a club where it's tough for a girl to get ahead. It's a real "good old boys" club, so you can imagine my surprise when a situation came up last week and my boss responded the way he did.

So, here's the sitch... our club has very specific rules on serving shots. If it comes straight out of the bottle you serve it in our 1 1/2 oz. shot glass. Doesn't matter if it has a salted or sugared rim or if you put a dash of anything in it. It's served in the shot glass. That's the deal. If it's a mixed shot you make it a bit bigger and serve it in a rocks glass. Pretty simple, right??? Well, I guess the new guy (Let's call him Back Up because he's my back up bartender) decided he would do whatever he wanted to. Not so much, boy. This is my world and you're just a visitor.

Earlier in the evening, I poured a customer a shot of Tuaca with a sugared rim, a dash of grenadine (his idea) and a lemon. Of course this was served in a shot glass like I'm supposed to. Later in the evening the same guy went down to Back Up and ordered the same drink. Back Up served in in a rocks glass. It was HUGE. Now, Tuaca is one of our more expensive shots so I was thinking "oh, he must've ordered a double." Not so. I pointed this out to our boss and he said "it's your bar. You deal with it." and deal with it I did.

I put a shot glass on the bar top beside his incorrectly made Tuaca shot and proceeded to tell him how things worked. He stuttered, stammered and got a little pissy but I made my point. Gotta teach these young bucks that this girl isn't a push over!!

The rest of the night he toed the line and all was well... until our featured entertainment ended. It was close to closing time and I guess Back Up was feeling a little restless... maybe in need of a little attention because next thing I know he's dancing on top of the bar. Now, I really don't care. As long as his silly self is up there dancing around he's not ringing drinks and making money. That's his deal. I'm going to focus on the job and making the $$.

It was all good until he pulled a friend of his up on the bar with him. We are cool with employees having a little fun on the bar top occasionally but liability keeps the customers feet on the ground. Obviously, Back Up didn't get that memo. I see what's up and go down to get them off the bar. I'm almost there when they start falling off!! Luckily, I was there because I caught his friend. SERIOUSLY!?!? Are you kidding me?

UGH, maybe it's time to have a little heart-to-heart with Back Up. Maybe let him know the number 1 priority in bartending... serving drinks! What do you think?

I guess occasionally it's alright when your co-workers act a fool... you get a promotion!

With a twist,

007

Veteran Bartender Here to Share Some Tales

I think it's time to get some things off my chest. There are a few misconceptions about bartenders and I'm here to clear the air. I've been bartending off and on since I was 17 (no, it wasn't legal but that's all water under the bridge). I've been bartending at the same establishment since 2004 and truly enjoy it. The stories I'll be sharing about my bar's crowd will make you laugh, cry and sometimes want to throw something but I hope you enjoy the ride. 007